| i'm not lying |
[30 Apr 2009|12:50am] |
i figured it out
i think i’ve figured it out
i think i have
please be patient
time for a nap
and now
if i could just fix the clock i’d take you out
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[08 Apr 2009|03:36pm] |
someone buy me things. i've been doing a lot more recently, mostly just focusing on what's in my head and my heart at the moment. is he okay?
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| dreams | random thoughts upon waking |
[14 Mar 2009|03:47pm] |
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mood |
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sentimental |
] |
| [ |
music |
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adam/jeremy -or- "planet canvas" |
] |
"what does not change is the will to change. i want my own sense of life. an intricate web of perceptions. judgments. feelings. aspirations."
-maegan roberts
"...desperation is the raw material of drastic change. only those who can leave behind everything they have even believed in can hope to escape."
-william s. burroughs
i miss certain people a lot. clean sheets on your bed cause bad dreams. dreams where sidewalks are rivers, but where i come from we call everything rivers, we're that type of people. this one reoccurring dream involves a certain girl that i've devoted too much of my time thinking about, we are kissing, she falls asleep, wakes up and tells me i have bad breath. not sure why my brain makes me have that dream all the time, what does it even mean? my hip really hurts, fuck hairline fractures from hit and run car/bike accidents. i wish i could sleep forever.
also:
that's all i'm saying for now.
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[29 Jan 2009|11:38pm] |
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mood |
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bad |
] |
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music |
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mulatu astatke - yekermo sew |
] |
SIX years
anyone remember?
i do.
her: but you know i was just thinking that even when it was hard for me to talk to you because i knew you hated me, i still thought about how incredible you are (not in a flirtatious way, bobby) but just remembering about how much i was intrigued by you and then amazed how you are just you.
me: but why
her: how can you ask but why?
because bobby, you have always just been so hardcore everything without ever needing or wanting to try and you're the only person i know that i really couldn't understand every aspect of their mind in a good way though
me: define hardcore?
her: define feelings
i mean
the thing is, its not that you are a certain standard of this or that
you dont do things that can be classified
you just do things that make feelings rather than judgments
and i always thought that made you incredible
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| now don't get too freaky on me |
[26 Jan 2009|04:36pm] |
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mood |
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 weird |
] |
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music |
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bobby king |
] |
"he said: 'i'd kiss you, but
sometimes i don't wanna kiss you,
don't mean i don't like to kiss you,
just means these lips are mine'"
"he said: 'don't make your problems my funny problems because
i've got problems, but i'll cover them up in time.'"
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[23 Jan 2009|05:27pm] |
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you don't know me
you don't know what i do
oh my god it's one more day
and oh my god i miss you so
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| eyes off, ears off, test the kiss goodnight |
[21 Dec 2008|01:55pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 exanimate |
] |
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music |
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the microphones - it wouldn't |
] |
44 new emails in my inbox, i don't care, still not checking it.
i'm in baltimore, same neighboorhood avey grew up/weird psycho world.
one of my friends stole $375 from my desk in my room, making me still $500 in debt.
i'm having a spiritual and existential breakdown.
my mental health is one of my main concerns at the moment, besides how i'm going to afford to eat.
i've smoked 18 packs of cigarettes in the last week.
who needs thumbs? i cut the end of mine off at work.
in retrospect, '08 has been the best and worst year of my life. thanks
i'm so tired.
i'll sleep for 14 hours.
i'll be full of soft heat.
i'll be in love when i sleep.
heavy eyes, close rubbing with hands
then when i wake up there's something real.
something real and someone who's alive.
there's a soft heat growing from my chest
then there's this explosion.
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[03 Oct 2008|05:20pm] |
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mood |
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 complacent |
] |
fight not with monsters lest you become one, and
if you stare in the abyss long enough,
the abyss stares back at you
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| who can catch the ball? |
[18 Sep 2008|06:04pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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okay |
] |
(where are you?)
i'm in a happy room
where everything is right
what's looking at the well
and looking at the green
and children all around
jumping in the air
and looking at the well
through flowers in the trees
there's the house where i grew up
i'm walking towards its door
the porch floorboards are green
and six windows in the door
others, they--
the clouds have come inside
but i keep passing through
and there are green carpets there
me and my yellow shoes
there are children everywhere
this is a house of mine
over there's some handsome well
i'm standing everywhere
she had yellow hair
above me on the bed
but it was a bunk bed
their stories there were read
(i really-- i can't wait to meet you)
it's taking a long time
i think i'll swim on by
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[27 Aug 2008|09:03pm] |
oh anna, take me in with water arms surround me, blow your breezy charms around me
oh anna, you're a house of many rooms and all the secrets deep entombed within you
i know a few
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[23 Jul 2008|03:07pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 chipper |
] |
new things going on:
-growing up
-unemployment (part of growing up)
-new friends/cute girls
-new purple bike which lead to..
-awesome flip-over-the-handlebars bike crash
-constant sweaty/stickiness
-jared's awesome synth which lead to..
-our new music genre: shoe-fi/lo-gaze
-donating plasma
-way too long bike rides to nowhere(somewhere)
-tepee version three point oh
-vhs tapes from the library (omg, mean girls)
-making out/handies/beejees with jason
-chemirocha
-new tribal music collection
-drunk clifford pitching the laundrobar
-drunk brian wilson (my favorite)
-drunk haircuts at five in the morning
-free chipotle everyday
-call of duty dreams
-loving life
so far it has been really good in gainesville, i can't wait until august when we get our new place. wood floors, black and white tile kitchen, and a huge backyard with a privacy fence. excited. i plan on turning at least half of the backyard into a vege garden. when sean finishes building the island, we're going to open a cafe, i can't wait for all the delicious things we're going to grow and cook.
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[30 May 2008|05:19pm] |
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My soul knows my meat is doing bad things, and is embarrassed. But my meat just keeps right on doing bad, dumb things.
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[15 Mar 2008|06:35am] |
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the moment you realize watching vapor trails melt into the sky is not only the most constructive thing you can do, but the only real option that’s left.
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[03 Feb 2008|03:41pm] |
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mood |
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 excited |
] |
things are good.. to recap:
-moved to st. augustine
-olive branch
-work with lesbian roller derby girls
-free ipod touch from howard schultz
-painted my room/hair/face/parts of the carpet green (the color of $$$)
-pot bread
-spent $1000 in less than a month
-delicious housewarming bbq at my house last friday
-missing my friends
-waiting for the ac take away show
so... what is new with everyone else? i hope you students are doing well. i also hope i can afford to goto school soon. what is everyone doing for their breaks? i read that steph is trying to goto the grand canyon, i have neither the time nor money to do so, plus the grand canyon and that drive of the country blows massive cock (i'm talking like zaki-sized). oh well, i miss most of you and i hope we can see each other soon.
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[23 Jan 2008|01:58pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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excited |
] |
so i got a garden gnome. as well as a garden to put him in.
i'm moving to st. augustine on monday. excited.
i hope at least some of you can make the pilgrimage up there to hang. i think i might throw a birthday party? probably not.. but sneeriously, where's marchfest going to be this year?
also,
what's everyone buying with their tax returns?
i think i know what i'm getting:
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| freezing, smoking, getting, eating, missing, sleeping |
[22 Dec 2007|11:59pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 cold |
] |
freezing my ass off
smoking p with my whole family asleep whilst i drive through the virginias
getting drunk on organic vodka
eating delicious homemade osco buco
missing my girlfriend
it's all in a christmas vacation
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mannerisms's journal